If you’re a woman and you can’t seem to figure out why everyone you date ends up being a jerk or if you’re a nice guy and you keep losing the girl to complete jerks you’re most likely looking for answers as to why this happens…
Here is the Real Reason Why Women Love Jerks
Women love jerks because they tend to check out all the attraction checkboxes that make women chase after those jerky guys and reject the nice guys, we all have certain things that we look for in a partner, a “type” if you will, and psychology has proven that not all women but most women look for the same thing I talked about in my previous article…
To sum up masculine energy, women are typically looking for a man who is his own man, someone who is confident, strong (emotionally), decisive, authentic and secure with their sexuality…
Most guys might know that a great part of the nice guys don’t fall under that category, most nice guys are always looking to please a woman and make her feel good at all times which can come across as insecure, as needy and dependant…
Most women will get extremely turned off by that and will place these nice guys in the fabled “friend zone”.
Most men who are confident, decisive and sexual tend to have a lot of success with women, this guy can basically have almost any woman he desires and when that happens, coupled with the fact that men are often told since birth that “there are plenty of fish in the sea” and that they need to be with as many women as possible, these guys tend to be jerks.
This problem is more social than anything, most men who respect women don’t challenge them and therefore they are not attractive and most jerks who don’t respect women are extremely attractive.
Here is how to change this.
All human beings have 6 different needs that dictate our behaviour and they can also affect how two people interact in a relationship, whether you’re a saint or a complete asshole you are always looking to fulfil at least 3 of the following needs:
- Certainty: Knowing that your life has some foundation…
- Uncertainty: Variety, adventure, surprise!
- Significance: Having a purpose and feeling worthy of love…
- Love/Connection: Some settle for connection because love is too scary…
- Growth: Knowing that you’re advancing in life.
- Contribution: Giving to others.
Why is this important?
This sort of gives both sides a window view of what the other is looking for and how to make each other happy, you might not see it yet but that’s because I haven’t explained it fully ;)
Let’s say a woman is in a bar, a nice guy comes up to her and says in a timid voice “excuse me I don’t mean to bother you… I don’t know if you’re with someone, you’re really beautiful… can I buy you a drink?” 9 times out of 10 he will get turned down and the reason why is because of what we talked about…
Saying “I don’t mean to bother you… I don’t know if you’re with someone…” shows you’re not confident and therefore you can’t provide need number one Certainty… Women who are very femenine are spontaneus and emotionally open, they want a man who is an emotional rock who can provide that certainty that lets her know I can go crazy and be spontaneus and emotional and you will be there to hold her.
On the other hand these same statements: “I don’t mean to bother you, you’re so beautiful, can I buy you a drink?” do not provide “Uncertainty” it’s not a challenge for the woman because you’re catering to her every need. And nobody wants a life without adventure and variety.
When you talk in a timid way and use a lot of, “ummm”, “ahhh”, “well…” you project that you don’t feel significant or in other words you don’t feel like you deserve to talk to this gorgeous woman and that is a turn off I don’t care who you are.
Do you get where I’m going with this?
This is why women love jerks, because they can fulfill most of these needs from the get go with the jerk than with the nice guys.
On the long run it never works of course but it’s all about the immediate payoff, the immediate pleasure.
A tip for Women:
If you find yourself dating nothing but jerks and you’re tired of it you need to be focusing on the long term payoff, you need to find out if a man can satisfy the needs we talked about in the long term, can he give you certainty, uncertainty, love, significance, can you grow with this guy?
Do you feel he contributes to you?
All of these things are important in order to find yourself a man who not only do you find attractive but who can be relationship material.
A tip for Men:
Don’t work on trying to provide these needs for women, don’t try to change yourself for women and most definitely don’t try to become an asshole in order to attract them, jus follow the tips I layed out in my previous article to improve your own life and you will have no trouble attracting women.
Hope you found this helpful,
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Until Next time, Make it a great day…
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